Australia to be removed from Australia.

Exclusive by Benson Wong, Your-Brain-on-Coffee Political Editor.

MEDIA RELEASE
Monday August 9 2010

FAMILY FIRST TO EXERCISE MAINLAND FROM AUSTRALIA'S MIGRATION ZONE

Today, Family First Leader Senator Steve Fielding announced an ambitious policy to ensure that illegal boat people are not able to reach Australian shores.

"For too long, Australians have endured the endless stream of boats from Afghanistan and other places, and it’s time they were stopped. To do this, Family First has decided that dramatic action needs to be taken. If they won't stop coming here, then we need to change where here is so that it's there. That way, when they're there, they'll realise that it's pointless coming here, because it's there, but a different there from the there their aleady in. I think I make myself clear."

“We will begin by introducing border security laws to remove the mainland of Australia from Australia’s migration zone, thus preventing any boats from reaching our shores and claiming asylum. The only place where the boat seekers will be able to land and claim asylum will be Tasmania, but it will be jolly difficult sailing a rickety boat that far!” Senator Fielding said yesterday.

Senator Fielding’s comments come in the wake of a dramatic increase in asylum seeker arrivals, with Family First experts estimating up to 10 million boats could be just over the horizon.

“When will Julie Gillard and Tonie Abbott realise that Australians are too scared to even go to Bali because if they do, the boat seekers will try and sell them things and sometimes even sing and dance at them and force them to eat nasty food? Family First believes that the time to act against the menace of boat jumpers is now.”

“This policy will end the problem by allowing us to not have to worry about boats until they get all the way round the bottom of Australia, past Victoria, to Tasmania. Then, we will just put a big fence around Tasmania and make sure they can’t come across into normal Australia,” explained Senator Fielding yesterday. “If any actually make it to Tassie, I’ll eat my hat!” he quipped.

“The Leave Australia’s Border Alone policy will also mean a new focus for Australia’s navy, which would be deployed to the seas around Tasmania to stop and intercept the boats there, instead of in the seas to our north where they aren’t even allowed to come ashore anyway. With these sensible border security measures, Australians (not Tasmanians) will be safer from queue seekers than ever before, and the boats will be so deterred by the ugliness of northern Australia that they won’t even bother coming all the way to Tasmania to seek asylums.”