It's election time.

From the desk of Your-Brain-on-Coffee political reporter Benson Wong comes another two snapshots into the mind of Steve Fielding.

MEDIA RELEASE
Friday August 20 2010

FAMILY FIRST TO LAUNCH CAMPAGNE ON ELECTION EVE

Family First Leader Senator Steve Fielding has announced that Family First’s long-awaited campagne launch will take place tonight, on Election Eve, and will be a dazzling and spectacular effort that will convince voters in the safest seats that Family Fist is the party for them.

“Family First’s strategy is to target safe seats, not marginal ones, because there’s more voters in them,” Senator Fielding explained. “Why do the big parties only campagne in about twenty seats, when there’s a hundred and fifty up for grabs?”

Family First will tonight commence a campagne of saturation advertising, with television, radio, phonecalls and web-spam to all voters in all safe seats across the country. Voters will be called at least five times each tonight by an automatic recording, in which Senator Fielding will urge them to vote Family First. In addition, the party has organised for an entire TV channel to broadcast advertisements to 99% of the country, and an entire radio channel that will broadcast Senator Fielding’s speeches in a comprehensive, back-to-back, sermonising format.

“By launching our campagne on Election Eve, and by bombarding voters who haven’t already been bombarded by the other parties, we’ll be in with a real chance to pick up some seats, and maybe even surprise the big parties with our technique and clever approach,” Senator Fielding said. “We’ll catch them by surprise and really shake the boots of the faceless and clueless sinics who think that elections are theres for the winning.”

“Tony Rabbot and Julie Gizzard have done their dash with the voters over the past five weeks. Now it’s Family First’s turn.”

“I’ve got a pretty good feeling about tomorrow night, but I don’t want to sound too smug,” Senator Fielding confidently declared today.

MEDIA RELEASE
Monday August 16 2010

FAMILY FIRST FIRST WITH A FAIR ASYLUM SEEKERS POLICY

Family First Leader Senator Steve Fielding has today announced an ambitious new policy designed to give a fair go to asylum seekers. His comments come in the face of increasing carelessness from the major parties, who don’t seem to even understand the asylum seeker issue or what Australians want from their leaders.

“It seems pretty clear to me that asylum seekers want asylum,” Senator Fielding said yesterday. “That’s why they’re called asylum seekers.”

“Only Family First can do the right thing for asylum seekers, by giving them what they want and not punishing them by locking them up,” Senator Fielding explained.

“As such, if elected to government we will embark on the most ambitious nation-building project ever. We will take the money that Dwayne Swan wasted on the building schools revolution campagne and spend it instead on another, much more appropriate project. Building the Asylum Revolution (BAR) will see out-of-work builders and other no-hopers usefully engaged in helpful construction projects, as hundreds of asylums are put up around the country.”

“Under a Family Fist government, with me as its Leader, asylum seekers will have their pick of asylums across the country in which to settle with their children and animals that they bring, and they can stay there for as long as they choose. It will truly be a successful coast to coast Solution,” Senator Fielding enthused.

“I can’t believe Tony Abbitt and Joe Hickey haven’t thought of this before. This is way better than there turning boats around policy.”