If we stop oppressing the oppressed it will render the term meaningless.

Your-Brain-on-Coffee political reporter Benson Wong has been snooping around the office of Family First Senator Steve Fielding again. I'm starting to suspect they may be having an affair. He brought us this exclusive, stolen from the desk of Senator Fielding's media advisor.

MEDIA RELEASE

Wednesday 11 August

GAY RIGHTS UNDER THREAT UNDER LABOR

Family First Leader Senator Steve Fielding today announced that only a Family First government will be qualified to protect the rights of gays and other social minorities. His comments came in the wake of the criticism that was directed at his colleague, Queensland Senate candidate Wendy Francis, over the weekend. Wendy Francis’s comments were taken out of context, and Senator Fielding felt that he needed to speak up to set the record straight.

“Only Family Fist will be able to make laws about gay people without offending not gay people,” he said yesterday. “As a party that is definitely not gay, we are the ones who are best equipped to bring an un-biased approach to gay law-making, especially about things like families.”

Under Family First’s ambitious new pro-gay agenda, gay people will not be allowed to have marriages, de facto (not real) relationships, children, adoptions, tax breaks or divorces. This will bring return the edginess and mystique to the gay community that has been so sorely lacking for such a long time.

“If we start to not treat fringe groups like fringe groups anymore, then they stop being fringe groups,” Senator Fielding explained. “We need to make sure that gay people don’t become like mainstream Australians like us, because if they do they will lose their culture and become more like mainstream Australians. If they do that, then what will be the point of being gay?”

Senator Fielding’s comments follow on from the strong and commendable views expressed by Queensland Senate candidate Wendy Francis over the weekend. Mrs Francis made some very strong observations about gayness in modern Australia, including about children and their rights around gays, and Family First focus groups agreed that they needed to be developed into real policies.

“So what we have now is a fair go for gays and a fair go for families who are not comfortable with gays,” said Senator Fielding. “When will Bob Brown and the rest realise that only sensible and fair dinkum policies such as these will provide Australia’s gays with the fair go they deserve? Why haven’t Julie Guillard and Tony Abott made gay policies a priority for this campagne?”